Tottenham Hotspur won their third consecutive Premier League match on Saturday, dispatching a most likely relegation-bound Ipswich Town by a final score of 1-4, avenging Ipswich’s win at the Tottenham Hotspur Stadium earlier in the season. Brennan Johnson back-posted his way to a brace, and Spurs added goals from Djed Spence and a spectacular goal off the post from Dejan Kulusevski.
Has the tide turned? Are Spurs finally behind the plough? Sure seems that way, but we’ll find out more this Wednesday when Spurs host Manchester City.
Ipswich Town are the Tractor Boys. Why? Who knows, ask the English. I am not a farmer and don’t know much about actual tractors, but when has that stopped me from making definitive rankings of Spurs players based on arbitrary criteria that I don’t fully understand?
So here are my player ratings for Tottenham’s 1-4 win over Ipswich Town to the theme of tractors.
The gold standard for tractoring, and also apparently hella expensive. Nothing runs (or costs) like a Deere.
Son Heung-Min (Community — 4.0): He didn’t score, but this was still Sonny at his best — dynamic and exciting on the ball and in space, constantly looking to set up his teammates. Two assists on the day and had chances to score. Excellent.
Like I said, I know very little about tractors but this New Holland one is blue and has freakin’ TANK TREADS on the back, so I say it rules.
Djed Spence (Community — 4.5): Solid on both sides of the ball, and on both flanks as he spent time both at LB and RB. Well-taken deflected goal as well. Djed Spence might just be our best fullback right now, and he gave Pedro Porro a deserved rest.
A quick scan of several tractor message boards (and yes, there are many) reveals that Fendt has a very, very good reputation for tractors and farm implements, especially for those who like John Deere but don’t want to pay John Deere prices.
Guglielmo Vicario (Community — 4.0): Googly Elmo kept Spurs in the match early with a spectacular double save on Liam Delap’s first minute chance, and had a few more solid stops and catches in the first half. Had less to do in the second half as Spurs went ahead big. Solid match.
Kevin Danso (Community — 4.0): Lost Hutchinson for Ipswich’s goal, but was extremely solid the rest of the time. Started at LCB due to Ange’s decision and would’ve been better against Delap, but I understand the reasoning for starting him there.
Archie Gray (Community — 4.0): Liam Delap gave him a hiding a couple of times, but after a few scares Archie settled down and played quite well. What impressed me most was his long ball to Sonny’s feet for Spurs’ first goal — very impressive that an 18-year-old playing out of position has that pass in his locker.
Lucas Bergvall (Community — 4.0): Lucas is now putting up consistently good performances late in this season, and that’s probably the silver lining to the injury cloud — it’s very unlikely he would’ve had the minutes he’s had otherwise. Solid, brave performance in midfield. This kid is special.
Dejan Kulusevski (Community — 4.0): Still looks a little tired, but had a lot more energy thanks to some extra rest than we’ve seen in past matches. Exceptional cutback goal off the post. Gimme, gimme, gimme.
Brennan Johnson (Community — 4.0): All he does is score goals! Two typically Brennanish back post strikes and had a chance for a hatty. As much as he disappears in other facets of the game, I’m not sure there’s anyone better in the league at that late back post run. Spurs’ leading goal scorer in all competitions with 14.
Ange Postecoglou (Community — 4.0): We won! Hooray! Full marks for the gaffer! But seriously, Ange’s system just works so much better when he has something closer to a fully healthy first team squad.
I get the sense that Kubota is the Honda of the tractor world — perhaps a little less expensive to own, but gets high marks for reliability and performance. They also have high marks for customer loyalty. Plus they’re bright orange, and that kinda rules.
Destiny Udogie (Community — 3.5): Looked a little rusty in his first start since his injury, but was solid defensively and had a good opportunity to score in the first half. Welcome back, king.
Rodrigo Bentancur (Community — 3.5): Solid enough performance and had a gorgeous through-ball to set up Son for Spurs’ second goal.
James Maddison (Community — 4.0): Added a spark with his creativity late and got an assist in the process. Madders just seems right now like a guy with whom managed minutes will be the reality.
Dane Scarlett (Community — 3.5): A nice little cameo appearance from the Great Dane, who also had a flicked header that set up Dejan Kulusevski’s goal. Getting a tune out of Dane yet this season would be nice, even if I’m still not convinced he’s a Tottenham player long term.
My general sense is that Massey Ferguson tractors are more popular in the UK than elsewhere. They seem to be a decent mid-tier line, and they’re red and pretty. Sure!
Mathys Tel (Community — 3.0): I still think Tel is an out-and-out striker rather than a wide forward, and so is playing in the right position. He’s young and is still adapting to the speed and strength of the Premier League, but he was getting into good positions. He’ll get there, but we need to be patient with him.
Pedro Porro (Community — 3.5): Rested for this one (which he needed) and was fine as a late sub with the game mostly already in hand.
Wilson Odobert (Community — 3.0): I still feel like I barely know the guy, but Wilson put in a solid enough shift as a late sub..
Did you know Lamborghini started off as a tractor company? I didn’t, but I do know that Jeremy Clarkson bought a Lambo tractor for the first season of Clarkson’s Farm, which feels very on brand. I don’t know much about the reliability of Lambo tractors, I just don’t like Clarkson.
Tom Carroll Memorial Non-Rating: