We’re deep into pure interlull wasteland now, with outrageous headline mischief, over-egged puddings and the classic trick of pretending information available to all in December is now somehow new.
But there’s domestic as well as international guff still.
There’s a ‘huge boost’ for Tottenham, for instance, as well as details of Liverpool’s star-based approach to replacing Mo Salah.
To the Viktor the spoils
Pure, unfiltered sh*thouse headline antics from the Daily Mirror here, to the extent that we are almost impressed at the total disregard for their readers and indeed the very idea that words mean anything at all.
Arsenal star Viktor Gyokeres called out by opposition boss on international duty
Now, ‘called out’ can mean different things in different contexts, sure. But unless Gyokeres has a sideline as an emergency plumber and an opposition boss has a flooded basement, we’re pretty confident which one the Mirror are using here.
It’s the negative one, isn’t it? As the Cambridge Dictionary defines its use in this context:
A public criticism that draws people’s attention to something bad about what another person or an organisation has said or done
That’s exactly what it means. We know you know this, but it’s important. We also know that the Mirror headline bod who concocted it knows what it means and thus knows precisely what they’ve done here.
For how, in fact, did Ukraine manager Serhiy Rebrov ‘call out’ Gyokeres after his hat-trick for Sweden knocked Ukraine out of World Cup contention?
‘He showed his quality and proved he’s one of the best strikers in Europe.’
Here we go again, everyone. Another front opens in the – obviously doomed – Mediawatch campaign for what should be the uncontroversial thought that words have meanings and that this is a useful and worthwhile concept to protect.
We’re also slightly surprised and – we’ll say it – a little bit disappointed that the Mirror missed the chance for even more mischief in that headline by replacing ‘opposition boss’ with ‘Spurs icon’.
This is the one thing WE did’nt WANT to HAPPEN
More pure mischief here, from The Sun this time, which were it again only about football tish and soccer fipsy we might let slide. But when it also comes across as unrelentingly gleeful about actual war, we’re not quite so forgiving.
USA projected to play Iran in most highly charged World Cup match ever as Fifa face worst nightmare
Let’s see where this goes.
USA and Iran are on a collision course to play at the World Cup as Fifa prepare for a highly charged meeting.
One way of putting it, yes.
Tournament qualifiers this week have provided a clearer picture of what the group stage will finally look like come the summer, and it sets up a potentially fiery clash between two nations at WAR.
Do you really have to be quite so gleefully Day Today about a war, gents? Let’s save the bold block caps for the usual important stuff, like how many hours after a disappointing home defeat an underperforming player has been caught smiling rather than self-flaggelating.
But let’s also call out the guff of the whole story here. Because the idea that USA v Iran is any likelier now than it was as soon as the draw was made is… a stretch.
Sure, the play-offs currently taking place are clearing the picture, and one of the play-off winners will end up in USA’s group. The likelihood now, as before a ball in those play-offs was kicked, is that it will be Turkey.
Which The Sun are using to pretend any of the following is meaningfully new information:
Initial simulations by Football Meets Data – based on Turkey being the final nation in USA’s group – have America progressing from the group stage as runners up.
Iran already know all of their opponents – they will face Belgium, Egypt, and New Zealand in Group G – and projections have them finishing runners-up too.
Should both teams finish as runners up then they would go head-to-head in Dallas on July 3.
That’s all true. But that’s all been true ever since the draw was made in December.
Turkey being even more likely to qualify than they were before this week really is neither here nor there when it comes to assessing the overall chances of USA finishing second in their group – especially in terms of the projections of what is, let’s call it by its accepted tabloid name, a supercomputer.
USA finishing second in their group is and always would be a reasonably likely outcome whether it had been Turkey, Romania, Slovakia or Kosovo who qualified and joined Mauricio Pochettino’s side, Paraguay and Australia in Group D this summer.
If anything, the chance of USA and Iran meeting is far lower now than it was in December, with Iran’s participation in the tournament at all very far from certain. You know, because of the WAR.
Seconds out
This might be our favourite edition yet of the Missing Words Round, thanks to The Sun.
England’s biggest fan reveals he’s selling his house to fund seven-week World Cup bonanza
Now we won’t deny there’s a human-interest story here in the tale of ‘England superfan’ Andy Milne and his upcoming seven-week odyssey at what will be his 10th World Cup following England around the globe.
But accuracy still matters, and both that headline and the intro alas had no room for one six-letter word that changes things quite significantly.
ENGLAND superfan Andy Milne has revealed he will sell his house to fund his trip to the World Cup this summer.
That detail eventually, grudgingly, emerges eight paragraphs later.
He has decided to put his second home in Northwich, Cheshire, on the market for £350,000 to help pay for his trip.
There is a pretty clear difference between the implication of ‘sells his house’ and the actual reality of ‘sells the second house he’s kept on as a rental property while living in Thailand’.
He’s not leaving himself out on the streets for the rest of his days just so he can follow England all the way to a limp quarter-final exit against Brazil.
Boost
Elite and indeed top-tier interlull content from football.london here with some timely good news for the world’s most beleaguered football club.
Tottenham could be given huge Premier League relegation battle boost thanks to FA rules
You may want to sit down, dear reader, for we are about to say something that may shock and alarm you. There is no huge Premier League relegation battle boost here for Spurs. What there is, is an expertly crafted bit of pure headline housery.
The main part of that headline is just your classic over-egging. Words like ‘huge’ and ‘boost’ are textbook headline words of long-standing to make the mundane and humdrum seem vital and exciting.
What elevates this are the final four intriguing words: ‘thanks to FA rules’
They know exactly what they’re up to there. Exactly what vibe that suddenly gives the whole headline. There’s intrigue and mystery here. A clear sense of something maybe involving a loophole being exploited or better yet a conspiracy. What are these opaque ‘FA rules’ that are about to hand the biggest club to be in relegation trouble for a generation a ‘huge boost’?
They are the suspension rules.
And it gets better/worse. It’s not even about how the suspension rules directly affect Spurs. It’s about how they affect Brighton.
Brighton could be without a key player when they face Tottenham Hotspur after the international break.
There’s that ‘could’ again.
Next month, Igor Tudor’s side will host the Seagulls as they continue their quest for Premier League survival.
Optimistic. Both in terms of the phrase ‘Igor Tudor’s side’ and the very idea that Spurs are currently even involved in a quest for survival. They don’t look like they’re on a quest. Not for survival, at any rate.
But that’s not the point. The point is that Diego Gomez has nine bookings this season. So if he gets booked against Burnley on April 11, he’ll be suspended for Brighton’s trip to Spurs the following weekend.
Now Diego Gomez is a damn fine young player. But we think it’s going to need a bit more than a 22-year-old midfielder possibly but probably not being suspended for one game over three weeks away to qualify as a ‘huge Premier League relegation battle boost’ for the team with the worst home record in the division.
Yes, these are desperate times for Spurs. But that doesn’t excuse resorting to desperate headline measures.
Look at the stars
How do Liverpool replace Mo Salah? With stars, according to the Daily Mirror.
THE MO, THE MERRIER! Liverpool want TWO major signings as part of Salah replacement plan including £52m star and Premier League star
Honestly, the repetitive lengths people will go to just to stop us being able to bring back Acewatch.
