“Polly wanna cracker?” How about two goals for your country against Portugal, then a hat-trick against Bulgaria including a 95th minute winner, to send your nation into the World Cup qualifying play-offs?
Troy Parrott may have a name that elicits a bad avian joke, yet he is now certainly a centre forward who we should be taking more seriously and not just because of the quite frankly ridiculous impact he had for the Republic of Ireland in their vital World Cup qualifying wins.
The 23-year-old Dubliner has been quietly and impressively rebuilding his career in the Netherlands over the past two and a half seasons.
Troy Parrott is Ireland's newest hero
Despite his goals at youth level, the Tottenham Hotspur graduate never came close to making the grade in the first team, earning just two Premier League appearances in the COVID-19 hit 2019/20 season, which amassed to a mere six minutes.
When he left the club in the summer of 2023 on loan to Excelsior, the smallest of three clubs based in Rotterdam, few fans would have batted an eyelid, other than perhaps to wonder why Spurs hadn’t tried more to cash-in on a youth player who, after four loans in three seasons at Millwall, Ipswich Town, MK Dons and Preston North End, clearly was not deemed good enough.
However, based on Parrott’s attacking numbers in Holland - and the subsequent form he has taken into his international performances - perhaps the North London club wouldn't mind having him as an option in their squad right now.
In his first season playing abroad, Parrott was pivotal in helping Excelsior avoid relegation from the Eredivisie, netting 17 goals and providing five assists in 32 appearances, including a 94th minute winner in the derby against Sparta Rotterdam in only his fourth game.
The Stadion Woudestein may only hold a maximum of 4,400 people but Parrott’s exploits clearly caught the attention of others, with two-times Dutch champion AZ Alkmaar agreeing a reported £6.7m fee with Tottenham to sign him permanently.
Upon signing a five-year deal with the North Holland club, Parrott sagely stated he felt that AZ was 'the perfect club' to take the next steps in his career - and he's has been proven right.
In his first season at the AFAS Stadium he scored 14 goals in 30 Eredivisie appearances, as well as four in the Europa League, including a winner off the bench against Roma. He also played his part in AZ’s run to the Dutch Cup Final - where Parrott scored from the spot - which they surprisingly lost to Go Ahead Eagles on penalties after dramatically conceding an equaliser in the 99th minute.
And for anyone sharpening their knives to claim he is a one-hit wonder at a bigger Eredivisie club, so far in this 25/26 campaign he is already on six goals in seven League appearances, even though an injury kept him sidelined throughout September.
For Dutch teams, any form of European competition is crucial for the money it brings in, so Parrott’s impact in the Europa Conference League qualifiers, where he bagged seven goals and scored in every game bar one, which he missed through injury, was invaluable.
It is a small data set, yet Parrott’s efforts so far in the Netherlands say a lot about him - both technically as a striker and about his mentality.
It would have been easy for him to become another Championship journeyman after his Spurs disappointment, but instead he took a brave decision for his development by moving to a new country and playing for one of the league’s weakest clubs, who he knew would be facing a relegation fight.
Whilst AZ Alkmaar may not be the size of an Ajax, Feyenoord or PSV Eindhoven, there are big expectations at the club and from its fans. With one of Europe’s most efficient talent-producing academies and with no silverware in 12 years, passion can quickly overflow into criticism from the stands. They are - to take a well-oiled English footballing phrase - a little 'Spursy'.
This didn’t put Parrott off, who was thrown straight into the starting 11 as the team's sole centre forward.
He's been faced with other challenges, too, such as being forced off in the aforementioned cup final, watching from the sidelines as his dream of scoring the winning goal to secure a first trophy of his career evaporated.
At that point his role in the team was already under pressure from the talented Mexx Meerdink, an academy graduate and scorer of special goals who fans were increasingly calling to start and even be called up for the national side. Thus far, each has been alternating their injury problems, so it will be intriguing to see if coach Maarten Martens can find space for both when each is available.
Technically, this period over the North Sea has shown Parrott to be the type of old-school striker who would have fitted in nicely during the Premier League's noughties era. He likes to run in behind and is at his best inside the penalty area.
Both goals against Portugal and in particular the winner against Hungary were classic Parrott - a poacher’s header in the six-yard area, a well-timed run to a ball over the top followed by a snapshot finish, and an instinctive move inside the area to nip the ball past the goalkeeper.
There is a bit of Jamie Vardy in his being in the right place at the right time, his intense hassling of defences and willingness to shoot.
According to FBREF, compared to similar players over the past year, Parrott is in the upper-90 percentile for touches in the penalty area and tackles, and the top 80 percentile for non-penalty goals and shot-creating actions - such as passes, take-ons and drawing fouls which generate a subsequent shot.
At six foot, he is not a giant but has the ability to be effective in the air, too.
For AZ, Parrott has had a habit of going through spells without a goal, and can snatch at chances. Critics would also point out that his link-up play and strength on the ball could improve. That physical element is perhaps why he has been picking up knocks recently, something he will need to resolve. There is naturally room for development if he is to be viewed as a top centre forward.
However, akin to any good striker, there is a stubbornness and belief in Parrott. He might have his position threatened, he may struggle with injuries or go a few games without adding to his goal tally, but he keeps believing he can score. He keeps looking to improve. He keeps taking the responsibility onto his shoulders. The matches against Portugal and Hungary may have brought Parrott to global attention but it is the hard work and intelligent decisions over the past two seasons that have got him there. His emotional interview post-match in Hungary demonstrated how much it all means.
There will be many who hadn’t even heard of the Irish attacker until this international break. But now, just like his namesake, we might be repeating it for a while yet.
