Cartilage Free Captain

I hate international football.

Especially when it’s three matches into the season. Just... come on guys. As per usual, though, Tottenham Hotspur have representatives involved, so we can all cross our fingers and pray to whatever football gods may be out there that they all return unscathed. Plus, it’s still football, right?

Destiny Udogie had the misfortune to miss Italy’s Euros campaign as he recovered from the quadricep injury suffered late last season, but he was recalled this break and seized his chance almost immediately, subbing on at the left wing position and assisting Italy’s third goal in a stunning win over France. It was somewhat of an auspicious match for Spurs fans, with Arsenal defender Riccardo Calafiori starting the fixture for the Azzurri but coming off with a calf injury ahead of the North London Derby following the break. Guglielmo Vicario was also called up for Italy, but as usual, only saw time on the pine with Luciano Spalletti preferring Gianluigi Donnarumma in goal.

Another pair of Spurs teammates were called up for Sweden, with Dejan Kulusevski starting and captaining the Swedes as they took on Azerbaijan. The Blågult (that’s the Swedish side in case it wasn’t immediately obvious - which it’s not) won convincingly 3-1, and it was a significant moment for Lucas Bergvall, making his international debut. He subbed on in the 72nd minute, in what would have been a special juncture for the young midfielder.

Meanwhile, Ben Davies and Brennan Johnson both started for Wales, with Davies playing in the center back position. He was successful in keeping a clean sheet, but Johnson and his fellow Welsh attackers were unable to secure three points against a ten-man Turkish side. Also keeping a clean sheet was Spurs vice-captain Cristian Romero, with the Copa America (and World Cup) winner playing the full 90 minutes in a 3-0 win over Chile in their World Cup qualification campaign. It was the same result as well for Cuti’s fellow Spurs center back, with Radu Dragusin marshalling the defense for Romania against Kosovo.

AFCON qualifiers were also in full flight, and Yves Bissouma, who has had a fraught relationship with his national team of late, was somewhat surprisingly called up. He made the most of it as well, scoring the Eagles’ (no, not the band) solitary goal in a draw against Mozambique. It was the same scoreline for Pape Matar Sarr, starting for Senegal and playing out 68 minutes of a 1-1 draw against Burkina Faso.

Lastly, Tottenham and South Korea national team captain Son Heung-min did what he usually did and played 90 minutes in a friendly, where they would have been perhaps disappointed to only draw the match against Palestine.

It’s a clean bill of health so far - I am touching whatever pieces of timber are in reach as I write this - but we’re only halfway through the international break, before we take on aforementioned rivals Arsenal next weekend. What fun!

I hate international football.

Spurs International Appearances:

good morning!

For the first time in competitive history, San Marino have won a competitive football match!

I know I’m not the only one here who’s been measuring their lifespan by this metric, so let’s all take a moment to rejoice in this momentous accomplishment.

Stuck in the bottom of the Nations League, San Marino pulled off a 1-0 win against Liechtenstein on Thursday.

The lone goal came in the 53rd minute from forward Nicko Sensoli. And it was from a pair of blunders from the Liechtenstein defense. First, the defender couldn’t control the ball. Then, the goalie came out when he shouldn’t have. All of it leading to a rather straightforward goal for Sensoli.

It was their first competitive win in 160ish attemps. That is insane.

So I think we can all head into the weekend celebrating the greatest accomplishment in sport this week.

Fitzie’s track of the day: You Wreck Me, by Tom Petty

And now for your links:

The Guardian interviews Emma Hayes

Tottenham Hotspur has released its official squad list for the opening league stage of the 2024-25 Europa League, and the biggest news is the omission of Djed Spence from the team.

First, here’s the full squad list, taken from the Europa League’s website.

Goalkeepers

Guglielmo Vicario

Fraser Forster

Brandon Austin

Alfie Whiteman

Defenders

Radu Dragusin

Destiny Udogie

Cristian Romero

Pedro Porro

Ben Davies

Micky van de Ven

Midfielders

Son Heung-Min

Yves Bissouma

James Maddison

Archie Gray

Lucas Bergvall

Dejan Kulusevski

Brennan Johnson

Wilson Odobert

Pape Sarr

Rodrigo Bentancur

Forwards

Richarlison

Timo Werner

Dominic Solanke

So that’s 23 squad players out of a possible 25 that Tottenham could’ve included. I’ve been banging on that Spurs were free to just name a smaller Europa squad and it’d be fine, it’s not a big deal, and I do hold to that opinion. Brandon Austin and Alfie Whiteman are the only two eligible club-trained players, so that does reduce Spurs’ squad size down to 23. Note that this squad list does NOT include any of the List B players, such as Mikey Moore, Will Lankshear, Tyrese Hall, or any of the other U21 squad members, which Spurs will presumably use to flesh out the team as needed.

But the biggest thing that leaps out at me is the omission of Djed Spence and the inclusion of a fourth goalkeeper, especially Fraser Forster who somehow still has a place in this squad. I don’t get it, honestly. Maybe I’m missing something — UEFA’s squad rules are deliberately Byzantine and difficult to understand, and yes I’ve read Matty’s squad construction article numerous times and tried my best to internalize it.

Tottenham needed to name at least three keepers in their Europa squad, but they listed four, and instead sacrificed fullback depth in Spence for... reasons? I suppose that means that we’ll see a lot more of Ben Davies and Archie Gray at right back if and when Ange Postecoglou decides to rotate or due to injuries, but what was the point of bringing Djed back into the fold if he’s not going to get a chance in the early stages of the Europa League? It’s baffling.

I get it’s a tough decision. Both Gray and Lucas Bergvall haven’t been at the club for two years so they can’t be included in List B, meaning they have to be registered as List A squad players. That forces Spurs’ hand somewhat, but it feels baffling to sacrifice fullback depth for a fourth keeper who almost certainly won’t play and who takes the place of a homegrown and association-trained fullback who would likely get plenty of action. It also essentially means Archie Gray will be the backup at both RB and the 6 position until Spurs get a chance to revise their squad should they qualify out of the League Stage and into the knockouts.

Many of these issues will be resolved in a year or so as the younger players brought in by Johan Lange age into the full squad and qualify for both club- and association-trained status, but that won’t help this year’s squad. Still it behooves Spurs to put together the most balanced squad they can, and I can’t imagine that it didn’t include Djed Spence. It basically means that Ange Postecoglou thinks that having Forster as a fourth keeper provides more value to the team than a backup fullback. Just a strange decision, but I don’t make the decisions.

August hasn’t been especially kind to Tottenham Hotspur as the new Premier League season gets underway, but there have been some bright moments. Yves Bissouma provided one of the brightest, firing in a long-range shot off the crossbar during Spurs’ 4-0 comprehensive home win over Everton a couple of weeks ago.

And now that goal has been recognized by the Premier League. Bissouma’s banger has been nominated for August’s Goal of the Month.

Bissouma’s goal isn’t a shoo-in, there are some lovely strikes including Chelsea’s Cole Palmer chipping Jose Sá in transition, Wolves’ Jean-Ricner Bellegard vs. Forest, and Southampton’s Yukinari Saginawa one-touch volley against Brentford. There are also the usual couple of filler goals where the goal is secondary to the pass that led to it, like Luis Diaz vs. Brentford, or Jarrod Bowen’s transition strike, but whatever. Goal videos are fun to watch.

The hits keep coming for Tottenham Hotspur Women this offseason. First, Spurs were unable to secure a deal to bring in Grace Clinton from Manchester United after a season where she excelled in midfield, then the news this week that Spurs had sold Celin Bizet to United for £60k.

Today there’s more bad news — the club announced that attacking midfielder and club stalwart Kit Graham suffered an ACL injury in training and will miss a substantial amount of time. She is set to undergo surgery, and the club did not release a timetable as to when we might expect her back.

This sucks. Y’all might remember that Kit went down with another knee injury in the opening stages of the 2021-22 season and missed the remainder of that season and most of the next. She came back in the closing weeks of 2022-23 and played all of last season, mostly as a reserve midfielder. But this is still the second major knee injury in just over two years for Kit and it sucks.

It also leaves central midfield even thinner than it was before Clinton left. I don’t know if this will finally light a fire under Spurs Women’s asses to get some additional bodies into the club, but it’s pretty clear they need at least one more central midfielder to stay competitive. There’s still time left in the window, but not much. Time to get moving.

good morning good morning -

You want an Oasis hoddle? Here’s your Oasis hoddle.

I don’t care for Oasis. Like I said, I’m more of a Blur and Suede fan. When are Suede going to tour again in the US anyways?

Anyways, none of us expected Oasis to get together again, right? And I get why it’s a huge deal. I really do.

So let’s take a really brief trip down memory lane to recall some other music reunions (and I know I won’t get to them all):

Spice Girls - This was a pretty big deal at the time too. But is it really a reunion if Posh Spice didn’t show up? I’m not so sure.

Motley Crue - I was really excited about this one. Coming fresh off The Dirt, people were talking about Motley Crue again. Vince Neil was horribly out of shape and then Covid hit, meaning your hoddler-in-chief had to relinquish his tickets.

Jonas Brothers - More heavy metal than Motley Crue? No. But they are blood related.

Fleetwood Mac - Now this is was a reunion. Lindsey Buckingham convinced Christine McVie to rejoin the group (and overcome a fear of flying) to start a very successful tour. Buckingham eventually left the group again, and was replaced by Neil Finn and Mike Campbell. Unfortunately, with McVie’s death in 2022, it looks like this group won’t be getting together again.

ABBA - One of my least favourite groups, but a lot of people like them. Enough to even make a Dejan Kulusevski song out of it. In 2021 they released the album Voyage to critical acclaim, accompanied with a very successful tour.

And of course we have Led Zeppelin, The Eagles and others.

Fitzie’s track of the day: Break Her Heart, by ZZ Ward

And now for your links:

Dan KP: Lukas Bergvall says he and Guglielmo Vicario have cleared the air

Alasdair Gold on the transfer options still open to Sergio Reguilon

There’s more transfer news emerging for Tottenham Hotspur Women, but it’s not the news you were probably hoping to read. According to the club socials, Tottenham have agreed to sell Norwegian international winger Celin Bizet Ildesøy to Manchester United.

Ugh.

So, Bizet had one year left on her initial deal at Tottenham, which she signed in 2022. United have agreed a £60k fee for Bizet, which feels like a pittance but keep in mind the WSL transfer record is the £250k Spurs spent for Beth England a couple seasons ago, so £60k feels like a bang average fee for a talented young player.

It still sucks. With one year left on her deal, Bizet I guess wanted to upgrade clubs. United manager Marc Skinner apparently called her a “young and hungry player” which considering the controversy that has surrounded Skinner in the past feels like kind of a weird and creepy thing to say.

But whatever. According to fellow Carty Free writer Abbie Rose, considering Spurs signed Hayley Raso from Real Madrid a few days ago on a free transfer, so you can squint and suggest that turning Celin Bizet into Raso + £60k is a win, so long as Spurs actually reinvest that cash into a quality new signing before the window closes.

I’m still bummed. Not only because I no longer get to make “Carmen You Spurs” opera jokes anymore, but also Bizet was a player who was just starting to round into form under Robert Vilahamn last season, and I think she could’ve been a plus asset. I also am not certain how Celin fits into that United side next season, but I guess that’s a problem for Skinner and not for Spurs anymore, huh?

Tottenham have let a lot of players go this offseason and haven’t really fully addressed the incomings. Let’s cross all our fingers and hope that there’s some quality talent walking through the door in short order or I’m going to start getting irritated.

One of the rare talented youngsters at Tottenham Hotspur that DIDN’T get a loan this season was Alfie Devine. That’s despite previous reporting that he had interest from a number of Championship clubs for his services; for whatever reason, those didn’t pan out.

But hope is not lost! The transfer windows are still open in a number of European countries, including Belgium, which has proven to be a great league for developing young English talent. Pursuant to that, Alasdair Gold tweeted yesterday that Alfie Devine is heading to Belgium today to complete a medical at Westerlo ahead of a season-long loan in the Jupiler Pro League.

And yes, you DO recognize that club, because that’s the current club of future Tottenham starting central defender and Croatian youth international Luka Vuskovic, who is already having a hell of a season playing first team football at Westerlo.

Spurs agreed to sign Vuskovic at age 16 from his youth club Hajduk Split in Croatia last summer when he turns 18, and he spent the season on loan in Poland and this season at Westerlo. He’s already considered something of a cult figure in Belgium, and at 6’4” (as a 17-year old!) he’s an imposing presence.

But this is an article about Alfie Devine, and it should be a good loan for him as well. He should get some solid first team experience in a quality international league, and a good loan means that he’s still very much in Tottenham’s first team plans for the future.

We’ll wait for the official announcement which should come soon, and will update this article when it happens.

One of the weirder outcomes from Tottenham Hotspur’s transfer window was the €4m+bonuses+sell-on-clause deal that sent Giovani Lo Celso back to Real Betis. It was clear the clubs were far apart on their valuation of the player (or at least what Betis was willing/able to pay) so head of recruitment Johan Lange resorted to his bag of creative accounting books to eke out some additional value down the road.

That came in part from the performance bonuses and 35% sell-on clause in Betis’ contract, but it also resulted in a fairly novel (for English football) deal where Spurs now have a priority window to sign Betis defensive midfielder and USA international Johnny Cardoso. There were conflicting reports emerging about this deal on deadline day, but now Mike McGrath in the Telegraph has new details about the Cardoso deal, and what could happen if Spurs choose (or choose not to) sign him.

In short, McGrath confirmed the Cardoso option via comments from Betis president Ángel Haro. The deal is as follows: Spurs have a priority option that lasts for two weeks next summer whereby they will be able to purchase Cardoso for a fee of £21m. Should they decide NOT to sign him, other clubs will be available to make an offer for Cardoso when that two week window closes.

NOT reported in McGrath’s writeup is a reported sell-on clause in Cardoso’s contract whereby Tottenham would receive a percentage of money from Johnny’s sale if he DOESN’T move to Spurs. That was initially reported in the lead-up to the agreement, but it feels a touch weird — it’s undoubtedly a fantastic deal whereby Spurs would get future money from a Cardoso sale despite not actually owning the player, but I’m not seeing any confirmation post-window close of that clause existing. I’m now wondering if the reporting conflated Lo Celso’s sell-on with this hypothetical one for Cardoso. I’ll keep looking.

Cardoso, 22, is probably Betis’ most saleable asset and if he’s even remotely good or has the potential to be a lock-down 6 for Tottenham, paying £21m for him could be an incredible deal next summer. The end result is that Spurs may have taken a short term haircut on Lo Celso’s transfer value, but could be in a position to make a net profit on him in other ways that could be much more valuable than an extra €5-8m immediately.

good morning!

Welcome to another edition of ‘Fitzie’s reviews,’ where your hoddler-in-chief reviews things like television and movies. Not music, though. That’s for the Track of the Day hoddles.

I will admit that all of these programmes were watched from my home cinema (AKA the couch) so some of these productions may not have had as grand an impact on me had I watched them in the actual cinema. Nevertheless, we beat on.

The Bear, Season 3: This is what gives fine dining a bad reputation. Meandering and self-indulgent, the third season of The Bear failed to offer anything of substance. How we went 10 episodes without making any momentum on the previous two seasons is beyond me.

Worst of all - it’s boring.

I struggle to come up with one episode I actually enjoyed. Maybe Napkins or Doors? The fact it’s so hard to remember these is justification enough for low rating.

Emily in Paris, Season 4, Episodes 1-5: Not going to lie, this is my guilty pleasure. I honestly hate-watch this. And boy, do I hate it.

And I hated every single freaking episode of the fourth season. It’s atrocious. All but one of these characters is so bland - Emily most of all. And it’s a true testiment that the show made Paris - one of the most diverse cities in Europe - so homogenous.

The writing is awful. Storyelling is awful. Chemistry between any characters is awful. The only compelling actress here is Philippine Leroy-Beaulieu as Sophie, but that’s not enough to redeem what The New Yorker once credited with the “rise of ambient TV”.

Only Murders In the Building, Season 4, Episode 1: The gang is back for its darkest season yet. My biggest gripe with Season 3 was that it took too long to actually get to the murder mystery. The writers, one episode in, appear to have learned from that mistake. What we are left with is the series’ most chilling episode yet. Cannot wait for the rest.

I also cannot get enough of the main cast - Steve Martin, Martin Short and Selena Gomez. Celebrity appearances like Meryl Streep and Eugene Levy always make me nervous, but this show has pulled it off so far.

Kingdom 1-3: I didn’t realise this was based off a manga/anime. Some website just recommended I watch it. And I think it’s a great movie franchise. Rather straightforward if at a little times a bit cartoonish (but hey, it’s based off a cartoon). The fourth film came out in Asian cinemas a couple months ago, so I’m looking forward to its Netflix arrival.

Taskmaster, Series 4, 5, 7, 12, 13, 15, 16, 17: My latest obsession. I even wrote a hoddle about it. I just finished series 12, which had one of the best studio task ever.

The tasks are always fresh, the contestants are hilarious, and of course the banter between Greg Davies and Alex Horne is top notch. I can’t wait to watch all the others (plus the Champion of Champions).

My favourite, though, has to be Series 7 with the anarchic James Acaster stealing just about every scene, with the insider knowledge of Rhod Gilbert undermining Davies’ authority. Plus the distraction that is Phil Wang and two hilarious competitors in Jessica Knappet and Kerry Godliman.

Mario: The only football-related programme here. Mario is a film about two male footballers who fall in love with each other, but of course it leads to tension in their personal and professional lives.

A pretty decent film overall I think. Would say one of my gripes is we aren’t really introduced to the ‘antagonist’ here. Sure there are 11+ footballers on a team, but we only meet two. So when drama unfolds in the dressing room, it’s a bit difficult to get there emotionally.

The resolution is a bit drawn out too, but I still enjoyed it.

The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent: What an insane film, starring Nicholas Cage as himself. He’s befriended some nefarious Spaniard/Catalonian played by Pedro Pascal, who matches and at times even surpasses Cage’s absurdity.

A true spectacle that I did not want to end. This instantly became one of my favourite Nic Cage films, and I’ll be watching it again and again.

Fitzie’s track of the day: Save Me A Place, by Fleetwood Mac

And now for your links:

Alasdair Gold on the latest with Tottenham’s loanees

The Athletic ($$) ranks every Premier League’s clubs transfer window

Blackpool appoint Steve Bruce as head coach